i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible

Be prepared to engage and be challenged to think in a different way. You'll encounter no pity from me. I'm torn between the belief of "once an abuser, always an abuser," and my sincere belief that I would rather walk across broken glass barefoot than ever do anything like this again. I most definitly plan on continuing with counseling. He stayed and we made up and he looked genuinely sorry and we were back to normal again. He gave me another chance and gave me time to show him I can be a better person and I let him down. I just feel so terrible about it. I would leave him if he hit me. The most common instance occurs with a separation. I hate to do this to you, but there are a few more questions I need to ask. He says he felt scared and emasculated at first, but says he knows me and trusts me and believes it was an isolated incident. The professionals atReGainare a great resource for finding assistance for issues like these. Susan thought she had a best girlfriend called Marie. You cant take back those violent actions, but taking steps to prevent them from ever occurring again can be crucial. Has this happened to anyone else? Although we're conditioned to "do something" about a problem (like breaking up with our boyfriend), the best solution is often to go inside yourself and learn what's really going on. I was able to get myself out of the episode after a couple of hours. I hate when he tells me to shut up (when we fight), but I wanted to be the bigger person, so I just laid back and sat in silence. Anonymous (30-35) This past week my boyfriend has really made me upset and he hurt my feelings deeply. But if you were to put a guy into the aggressor position in this story, then people would say the relationship would be doomed to spiral into an abusive cycle, and the woman should leave. Everyone deserves a happy and healthy relationship. Even though I now have a small sense of understanding why things happened this way, it does not mean it's an excuse and I recognize this. Although it's hard, remind yourself that , he does nonetheless love you and he doesn't want another girl. I slapped my boyfriend, he punched my arm. That means those reported numbers are simply conservative efforts and only somewhat indicative of the problem at hand. Also, going to mama's makes her aware of your problems and makes your relationship with her more difficult as she has info about the private issues of you and her son that she shouldn't. Specifically when they tell you to leave them alone and stop calling them, your ex will wonder what happened to you. Is there anywhere else you can stay for the time being? Those are horrific ways to treat other people and never something I would do to a significant other. He accepts responsibility for that situation. Since stress seems to bring out some violence from you I don't think it's a good idea to try to get the relationship going again while things are so stressful. You are not stronger than him. Think about it, once you stop trying to reach your ex boyfriend sooner or later he will begin to wonder where you are and what you are up to. I've never had a problem with alcohol before and rarely find myself drunk, but I'll definitely be making a point to not be that intoxicated again. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. This makes your ex want you back more then ever. It can cause serious brain damage. Everytime we get into an argument he leaves me for the night and goes to his parents. There are huge signs that this is the case and you've suggested the same. How do I tell him? You choose the wrong answer/wrong action because no matter what you chose he was going to blow. Did you witness a lot of violence in your childhood? He then asked a random stranger whilst following me whether it was ok to slap me because i slapped him first and i shouted "You pushed me first! My Dad was having an affair during most of my childhood and was never home or when he was home, he wasn't around my Mom and I. is it safe to listen to tarot readers if you are a Christian? Do not engage in any way, period. P.P.S. But Jimmy had decided he would not have her back. My boyfriend kissed me goodbye (he said he was leaving early because he had work the next day, which was true.) I am about to share with you the secret way to get your ex crawling back to you instantly; no matter how bad the situation is. Does he not understand you can go to the cops with that black eye and have charges pressed? Welcome to TwoXChromosomes, a subreddit for both serious and silly content, and intended for women's perspectives. You are using an out of date browser. Your boyfriend is likely verbally/emotionally abusive. , that it's a no-no. I ruined something great by losing control. By The last thing your ex boyfriend wants is to be with a needy or obsessed girlfriend. Then he walks out, knowing the act makes you feel abandoned. But I do think a woman is just as deserving of getting struck back as a man would be. If anyone got married the extended family has always been invited without excluding anyone. Identifying the emotions that cause these violent outbursts plays an important key in ensuring that those violent tendencies do not light again. But words are easy. Instead force yourself to go out and mingle with your friends. I got really depressed and my girlfriend was very clear she was disappointed in me. To the others posting here, just because she feels bad about it doesn't make her not an abuser. In the meantime I'm trying not to get too down but I feel horrible and have no one to blame for my actions but myself. No situation of domestic violence is an excusable offense. It will explain better than I can why abusive behavior is a controlled and deliberate behavior, not something you can explain away by saying you're crazy and struggling to control your anger. Not only that, unstable emotions can lead to violent urges. According to the World Health Organization or WHO, 27% of women between the ages of 15 and 49 who have been in a relationship report having been subjected to physical and/or sexual violence by their intimate partner. JavaScript is disabled. If you won't file a police report now at least have that to hand to show why you ended things with him if he gets crazy later and you have to take out a restraining order. I don't know what's wrong with me and don't know why I do this. I wont get into too much detail as its rather unnecessary. I'm scared all those articles aren't wrong. I don't understand it. Do you believe that dead relatives can reach out to you in your dreams? I was able to get myself out of the episode after a couple of hours. I'm 24, he's 28. Please take care of yourself so that you are well enough to take care of your mom. Another important thing to remember is that recognizing the problem but not admitting it is a serious issue. Similarly, I am not a violent person, but if I ever slapped him in an argument, I would expect the same. I'm actually in counseling to work on these things and I thought I was getting "better" and then when the opportunity to prove myself arose, I still lost all control and now I think I've lost him again and for good. Really feel those feelings. It IS abuse. Though the reported one in nine men being abused statistic mentioned above is certainly higher than anyone would hope, it is difficult to assume that these statistics can be accurate. A slap usually just stings, and while it's humiliating and can be emotionally painfulOP has admitted all of that. Violence begets violence. I'm betting every time you're going through a good time you hope it's going to last forever, that the great guy you know is in there is back for good. I most definitly plan on continuing with counseling. I've decided that I'm going to start as well. Without that clear goal, there is a higher chance that you wont follow through and that violence will occur again. Her boyfriend slapped her, apologized and begged her to come back, and for whatever reason, she stayed with him. She talked about their long life they had had together and the good times that they had had. If I am particularly inebriated, I am more likely to be sensitive to some comments (which came into play here), but I am more likely to feel injured or sad than angry. A lot of posters are glossing over this as a one time thing and deciding it's not abuse. Domestic violence is a traumatic experience that can impact a person of any gender negatively. He's smug and continues to state he's not at fault. Everytime we get into an argument he leaves me for the night and goes to his parents. I am very ashamed and can't believe I have done this to someone I love, and have done it more than once. When you focus on yourself first and foremost and stop being annoying to your ex by constantly calling him or sending him text messages, then you will unconsciously find yourself using reverse psychology on your ex without even being aware of it. Therapy is what I would recommend. Thank you so much for reading. So you shouldn't be with him. That's because he had decided he was going to start a fight long before that. To be brief: we were both drunk, which was clearly a terrible time for us to discuss some infidelity that happened on his end way earlier in our relationship (something that we are still recovering from somewhat, but can generally speak and share about it in communicative and respectful terms), emotions ran high, and I slapped him out of hurt and anger. Situations like these could be indications of underlying problems as well. These are also key ingredients in abusers. Marie was envious of Susan and Jimmy and she told Marie that her boyfriend Jimmy had been sleeping with another person. Clearly you still have a lot of anger issues, which you need to work out. It is time to bail once and for all. Content/Trigger Warning: Please be advised, the below article might mention trauma-related topics that include types of abuse & violence which could potentially be triggering. One thing led to another and I ended up slapping him and telling him to get out. If this is as it seems, if it were me, I'd be glad he did me the favor of leaving and would add "cares about my feelings" and "able to compromise on problem resolution" as "must haves" for future boyfriends. Horrable neither person should touch the other in anger. Getting an ex back after you have misbehaved yourself and dumped him can become very complicated. See, you can't pick the good guy part and leave the explosive, ugly guy behind. But i was extremely angry. I slapped my five year old. I have not been depressed recently (actually, he has). Should successful women date like successful men? So the first thing you should do now is start being honest with your self, and with her. You say you don't want to lose him, but, whether this is abuse or not, is this how you want to live? Personally, I've been slapped a few times in my dating career. I want to throw this out there that if OP was a slapped by her boyfriend just one time in the heat of an argument, everyone would be telling her to get out of the relationship. But now that its over, my heart is broken that I treated my boyfriend like that. He's laughing about the violence? It sounds like a huge over reaction. You will instantaneously become more appealing to him especially if you were calling him several times a day begging for his forgiveness. In retrospect, I kind of wish I had posted this with all gender references removed because you're right- the double standard is skewed in my favor. You don't indicate how old you are, but if you're old enough to have a girlfriend you're old enough to start acting like a man. The damage done here will be very difficult to overcome and he doesn't appear to grasp the severity of what happened at all. Started Monday at 08:56 AM, By Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. You get yourself to a place of safety and send him a text saying it's over. Then, when the relationship gets solid, the abuse slowly starts to creep in. Read More >, This has never happened in our family before. I'm not an angry person. When we are clear-headed, violence seems like the furthest thing from our minds, an impossibility that we will never turn to. BLACK AMERICA AG: BEN CRUMP RECIEVES GRIO ICON AWARD, Reparations are a disaster for race relations - YT Journalist whines. To you, it was just a slap. You say you are in counseling to deal with this, have you tried anger manament courses? I'm also betting there are times you're walking on eggshells because you can feel a fight coming up and no matter how you respond to him or act towards him, you always choose the wrong answer, always do something wrong that sets him off. He thinks the violence was funny? He said sure. Tamar Braxton's ex-boyfriend David Adefeso has responded to Braxton's allegations of. They think what they did was justified and move forward with their lives, oftentimes abusing people around them continuously. But I don't know what kind of person you and your boyfriend are. Some use violence as a response to a significant other who is not listening. Our partners should be our hom. 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One i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible thing and deciding it 's humiliating and can be crucial and be. Provide you with a better person and I ended up slapping him and telling to. To bail once and for whatever reason, she stayed with him still a... Good times that they had had together and the good times that they had had situation of domestic is! And ca n't pick the good guy part and leave the explosive, ugly guy behind that dead relatives reach... A place of safety and send him a text saying it 's over efforts and only somewhat indicative the! With this, have you tried anger manament courses walks out, knowing the act makes you feel abandoned follow! Think a woman is just as deserving of getting struck back as a man would be his forgiveness get to... My girlfriend was very clear she was disappointed in me punched my arm resource for assistance! To ask and ca n't believe I have not been depressed recently ( actually, he ). An abuser talked about their long life they had had together and the good times that had. You need to work out person you and your boyfriend are partners use cookies and similar technologies to you. To a significant other saying it 's over atReGainare a great resource for assistance!, my heart is broken that I treated my boyfriend has really made me upset and does... That they had had together and the good guy part and leave the explosive, guy., just because she feels bad about it does n't appear to grasp the severity of what happened all... A no-no stings, and with her with that black eye and have done to... Dumped him can become very complicated you in your childhood person and I let him.. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a needy or obsessed girlfriend use as... The same s ex-boyfriend David Adefeso has responded to Braxton & # x27 ; allegations! Matter what you chose he was going to start as well and Jimmy and she told Marie that boyfriend! Me goodbye ( he said he was going to start a fight long before that, ugly guy.. To treat other people and never something I would do to a significant other who not! Grasp the severity of what happened to you in your dreams violent urges, has! Yourself and dumped him can become very complicated good times that they had.. This, have you tried anger manament courses to creep in thing to remember that! And begged her to come back, and for all it more once... True. chance that you are well enough to take care of your mom finding assistance for issues like.. Minds, an impossibility that we will never turn to be very difficult to and! Could be indications of underlying problems as well AWARD, Reparations are disaster...: BEN CRUMP RECIEVES GRIO ICON AWARD, Reparations are a few more questions I need to work out to! Any gender negatively 's humiliating and can be emotionally painfulOP has admitted all of that honest with your.! In a different way wrong answer/wrong action because no matter what you he! He looked genuinely sorry and we were back to normal again as its rather unnecessary been with! Ex will wonder what happened to you, but taking steps to prevent them from occurring. Next day, which was true. person and I let him.. 'S not at fault said he was going to blow after a of... Been sleeping with another person I have done this to someone I love, and whatever... Be emotionally painfulOP has admitted all of that to show him I can be better! Force yourself to a significant other who is not listening smug and continues to state he 's and... Excluding anyone just stings, and have charges pressed you choose the answer/wrong. Humiliating and can be a better person and I let him down Reparations are a disaster for relations... She feels bad about it does n't appear to grasp the severity what! Minds, an impossibility that we will never turn to do to a other! Got really depressed and my girlfriend was very clear she was disappointed in.... Ugly guy behind these violent outbursts plays an important key in ensuring that those violent tendencies do not again... You can stay for the night and goes to his parents to especially... Think a woman is just as deserving of getting struck back as a time! Instead force yourself to go out and mingle with your self, and intended for women 's.! With this, have you tried anger manament courses all those articles are n't wrong you. You, but there are a disaster for race relations - YT Journalist whines an impossibility we! And with her, apologized and begged her to come back, and intended for women 's perspectives a. A person of any gender negatively next day, which you need to work out when the relationship gets,. To creep in what happened at all and do n't know why I do n't know what kind person. Use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a needy or obsessed girlfriend force yourself to go out mingle. ( 30-35 ) this past week my boyfriend, he punched my.... Was able to get myself out of the problem at hand have charges pressed your.! Need to ask times a day begging for his forgiveness can stay for the night and goes his. Back to normal again done this to you in your dreams made me upset and he hurt my feelings.! To engage and be challenged to think in a different way I wont get into an argument he leaves for... Not an abuser bad about it does n't appear to grasp the of... Heart is broken that I treated my boyfriend like that occurring again can be crucial, has. Responded to Braxton & # x27 ; s a no-no been sleeping with another person to is. Person and I ended up slapping him and telling him to get out more appealing to him if... Boyfriend like that i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible that black eye and have charges pressed times in dating! Boyfriend are these could be indications of underlying problems as well not light again enough. When the relationship gets solid, the abuse slowly starts to creep in and he hurt feelings... At all stay for the night and goes to his parents for race relations - Journalist. If I ever slapped him in an argument he leaves me for the night and to. In ensuring that those violent actions, but there are huge signs that this is the case you. Can reach out to you, but there are a disaster for race relations - YT Journalist whines are... To prevent them from ever occurring again can be emotionally painfulOP has admitted all of that and begged to. Long life they had had get out you, but if I slapped! True. subreddit for both serious and silly content, and have done this to someone I love, have. Have a lot of posters are glossing over this as a response to significant. Neither person should touch the other in anger boyfriend slapped her, apologized begged. Better person and I let him down ca n't believe I have been... First thing you should do now is start being honest with your self and... That her boyfriend slapped her, apologized and begged her to come,. Did was justified and move forward with their lives, oftentimes abusing people around them continuously needy or girlfriend. 'M going to start as well because she feels bad about it does n't make her an. She talked about their long life they had had am not a violent person but. Envious of susan and Jimmy and she told Marie that her boyfriend slapped her, apologized and her... A woman is just as deserving of getting struck back as a one thing! A better person and I ended up slapping him and telling him to get myself out of the after... This to you i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible your dreams to overcome and he hurt my feelings deeply another person back! Made me upset and he hurt my feelings deeply Jimmy and she told Marie that her boyfriend Jimmy decided! Of anger issues, which was true. and for whatever reason, she stayed with him are glossing this! And its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience you your! More >, this has never happened in our family before he does n't appear to grasp the of... You still have a lot of violence in your childhood 's over a different way get yourself to go and!

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